That Was Fun But Now We’re Done

We have outgrown the years of Daniel Tiger in our household, but the jingles and catchy life lessons Daniel and his friends taught are still seared into my brain like the 1990’s “this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs” commercials.  You know, the one with the super hot skillet and the sizzly sunny side up eggs??  Some things are just forever stuck in your short and long term memory.

For me, I can honestly not even tell you what the episode was about at this point.  But Daniel was enjoying playing at the park with his friends, when his dad told him it was time to leave.  All the kids sing… “That was fun but now it’s done!”  If you have no idea what I’m talking about and you too want this song forever in your brain, take a moment to watch the youtube clip here.

All my neurodivergent parents out there can relate to this phrase with a slight twist.  It is the parent that is saying to themselves “that was fun now it’s done.”  Luxuries you watch other families partaking in are not ones that last long enough for you to enjoy.  Things everyone else around you may take for granted.  Like eating for instance or dare I say it…sleeping are just two examples of activities you get for just a moment in time and then they are gone.

As we are now two-three weeks into Back to School season, how many of you have already had to pull your child from the public or private institution you started them in?  Yep, “that was fun, but now it’s done.”  

How many of you spent every morning last week giving your child ice cream sandwiches for breakfast just to coax them into the car to get them to the front door of the school?

What about the idea that somehow, some way after your child held on and made it through a full day of classes you are going to be a superhuman and get them to do their homework?

Some of you are already in the deficit even before you began.  Your summer family vacation was a bust, your well meaning friends unknowingly made your life a living nightmare with their unreasonable requests.  The ones that look like them being super kind and generous all while throwing your home into a complete dysregulation station.

Some of you are trying to work and educate your child at the same time.  Some of you are single parents, some of you have multiple children, some of you will not finish reading this post because it takes more than 45 seconds and that is all the time you had to spare.

Deep breaths my friends.  I want to share with you a secret I learned over the summer.  It’s not rocket science, it’s not profound, it’s not even complicated, but it’s life altering.

I’ve learned to say, “That was fun, but now it’s done.”

The expectations of sleeping through the night or eating a meal at the table with my family.  The ideas of gathering in public places for events or enjoying an evening out used to be fun.  Now they are worse than nails on a chalkboard and that is OKAY.  

Those things had a place in my life at one time.  Now life is different and I’m learning each and every day that different can be very very good.  My pre-summer expectations looked like longing to have what I saw neurotypical families having.  Now my expectations are to stop forcing something that doesn’t work.  Just as the song says, I have chosen one more thing to do and that is to stop comparing my incredible life to the lives of those around me.  Sure it’s harder than most, of course it has moments of pain that seem unending, but when you have a treasure you have to work hard to protect it.  Neurodiverse children are treasures of the most special kind.

Will you join me in leaving the thoughts and expectations of the past in the past?  It’s so good to say, “That was fun, but now it’s DONE.”

You’re a gift!