Labels

Do you own a label maker?  It's a luxury that not all of us choose to have, but they can be so mentally helpful.  You can label your foods, your clothes, your toys, your electronics.  You can have labels on your calendar system and filing folders.  You can label all your kids school items, so they make it back to you….eventually.  You can get the fancy label makers with fun fonts and all kinds of colored rolls to have various hues aligning the left, right and centers of your beloved items.  You can even go crazy and label your label maker.

Sometimes we don’t need label makers to stay organized.  Sometimes it’s obvious where something belongs.  Couch? Probably doesn’t need a label.  Refrigerator?  Yah, that’s self explanatory.  Front Door?  Well, you do you.  But, what happens if/when someone or something comes along and makes a label and slaps it on you (or your item) and it’s incorrect?  Uh oh.  That’s a problem.  My container that used to say “flour”  now says “cornstarch”.  My box labeled “blocks”, is now full of books.  My cds now say “dvds” and my drawer marked “keys and cell phone” now have baby wipes.

This is annoying at best and downright frustrating for all who were trying to stay organized.  And that brings me to my question.  Does the label change the accuracy of what is inside?  Let’s think about this a moment.  Does the label “cornstarch” make the flour inside the container any less flour?  Or how about the box of books that read “blocks”?  Is there any possible way that the books will turn into blocks just because the label says it is?

I’m sure you see where I am going with this.  The authenticity of an item does not care what the label has to say about it.  My car reads GMC in big letters on the back.  I can slap a Tesla logo on pretty easily, but that doesn’t change the fact I drive a GMC.

What does all this have to do with you as a parent though?  Well, everything.  Our society loves labels.  Our self worth often comes from the label we choose to stick on.  We can choose whatever label we want for ourselves, but others can come slap on a label of who they think we are too.  After a while you may start believing the label more than you believe the person inside that label and the heartbreaking fact is, our children do too.

Everyone has an opinion of who your child is, including your child.  They walk around all day with the labels other adults and children have placed on them.  I see this everyday as I work with kids from various backgrounds and ages.  They all have very clear and declarative language about themselves.  “I’m stupid,”  “I’m loud,”  “I’m uncooperative,”  “I can’t,” “This is too hard for me,”  “This is too easy,”  “I’m bad at this,”  and the list goes on.

It’s our job as parents to pull off the labels.  If my kid has an “I’m stupid” label stuck to his shirt, it’s my job to fix it.  Does the label “I’m stupid” make my kid stupid?  Of course not, but if I leave it there and allow it to seep in long enough then my kid will begin to believe it.

Have you ever been to a work event and they ask you to put a nametag on?  You can put whatever name you want on that tag.  What if someone fills out my tag for me and writes, “Amy” and sticks it to my shirt?  That doesn’t change the fact that my name is Sara.   And yet, what happens when I leave the “Amy” tag on too long?  People start calling me Amy.  They start identifying me as Amy. I begin to get calls from people asking for Amy.  The mail I receive is addressed to Amy.  Now, I’m still Sara, but convincing others of that now is going to be more challenging.  The label has been on so long, I now just introduce myself to people as Amy and hide the fact that who I am is actually Sara.

Same is true for our kids.  It’s our job to help them keep the correct labels and take off the wrong ones.  This isn’t a one time deal.  It’s everyday.  Everyday our kids are bombarded with narratives of who they are.  We need to help them keep the correct labels and to toss the incorrect ones.

I can’t end this without pointing out one more very important issue that faces many of our children.  It’s not just the labels on them that we have to focus on, it’s the labels they are putting on others as well.  When you see, hear, or become aware that your child is labeling other children, it’s important that you teach them to stop and help them to see the true label that should be applied.

This goes for all of us.  What labels are you wearing?  Is the tag you have stuck to you an accurate description of what is inside?

You’re a gift!