Photoshopping Mental Images

We were carrying around cameras with us everywhere long before smart phones came into play.  They are called eyes.  You know, the two things in the middle of your face?  They come in different colors and  shapes, but their purpose is the same.  Eyes are the cameras that take in the images of all that surrounds us.  But, unlike smartphones we have the capability of taking photos of things that are not really there.  We can take photos of the future.

Our early life experiences shape (for better or for worse) our future ambitions, our dreams, our desires.  You ask any child what they want to be when they grow up and their face lights up as they tell you in a heroic fashion who they will be.  They can see it clearly in the photo they have taken of themselves.  As they beam with pride and say “a teacher!” “a police officer!” “a chef!” “a mom!” “a dad!” They can see themselves in the polaroid they have taken and they hold onto this throughout adulthood.

As creative children, who have a limited worldview, their photo stays safe and protected.  It’s in a glass frame that hangs on a sacred wall in their hearts and minds.  So, what happens when these children grow up?  When they take on a broader worldview?  When their life experiences have shaped a different outcome than they once expected?  What happens when these bright eyed, bushy tailed children become…well…you and me?  A grown up version of the children we used to be.  We are older, our lives have ebbed and flowed in different directions and yet there hangs that polaroid.  It’s gotten dusty over the years, but it is safely guarded behind the glass shield we placed it in all those years ago, and like a roadmap it directs us whether we like it or not.

So what happens when life doesn’t turn out the way we pictured it?  We aren’t a teacher, or a police officer or a chef.  We aren’t the mom or the dad we thought we would be.  Perhaps that image we took so long ago is now a source of pain as you could have never expected what happened next after your mental photo was taken.  You were beaming with pride in the photo, dressed in a uniform of possibilities.  What once symbolized hope and destination now hangs on your heart reminding you of what could have been.

There’s been a diagnosis, there’s anxiety, there’s uncertainty. The child you are raising doesn’t quite fit the polaroid of the family you thought you would have.  It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this and yet here you are.  Destined for failure because you will never achieve what your photo has promised. You will never live the life you set out to live because the fork in the road and/or roads of life took a cruel turn.  Autism, depression, ADHD, Down’s Syndrome, Social Anxiety, Abuse, Neglect, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Pervasive Drive for Autonomy are all adjectives you never assigned to your mental photo and yet here they are.

Where does this leave you and the version of yourself that hangs in the photo from all those years ago?  I’ll tell you where it leaves you.  It leaves you with a choice.  You can hold onto that photo with every ounce of willpower you can muster.  You can stay determined to achieve that early dream and be unsatisfied, victimized, disappointed and just plain sad until  it happens.  You can choose to live in defeat and bitterness.  You can.  That is absolutely your decision.

OR

You can photoshop that photo.  Go ahead, take it off that wall of your brain that it is now plastered to.  Dust off the pretty frame and pry open the back.  Take that sacred picture out and do some touch ups.  Add in the beautiful family you have now, diagnosis and all.  Brush off the cobwebs of inadequacy and the musty smell of disappointment.  Drop the hints of failure and grieve for a moment what you expected compared to what is.  Your new responsibilities raising a neurodivergent child don’t allow you to suit up in the dreams you once had.  That’s real– and it takes real intention to work through.  But you CAN do it.  Once you have grieved (and no one  can rush this)  pick up that photo and edit it!

Your life may have turned out differently than your original photo depicted, but if you look really closely at the new photo you  have created, you’ll see your life turned out better than you could have ever pictured it.

And this time when you hang your new touched up photo back on the wall of your heart and mind, don’t seal the glass of the frame too tight.  You’ll be making many more touch ups in the future.

Let your new photo guide you until it’s time for some more editing.

You’re a gift!