To Holiday or Not to Holiday

For those of us who check off  “other”  when it comes to the box describing our family, sometimes Christmas isn’t as Merry as we had hoped.  Keeping up with traditions, extra events, more sugar, later bedtimes, more family, more friends, more down time, less routine…can all come as jarring to our family systems.

As I reflect on Christmas and all the joy and heartache it brings I can’t help but reflect on the very first Christmas.  Whether you find yourself a spiritual, religious, traditional or none of the above kind of person, I think we can all relate to the very first Christmas.  Follow along with this tongue in cheek version and see what I mean.

Mary and Joseph started their advent season getting the hell out of town!  That means no family gatherings, no presents, no eggnog, no traditions or family obligations…they just left and got out of dodge.  If that sounds like the perfect Christmas to you then you are not alone.

They didn’t stop there though.  Once they reached their destination they did not end up staying in a hotel where the dysregulation of sights, sounds, noises can become instant meltdown makers. No, they chose a cave off to the side.  That of course was because there was no room for them in the hotels they tried to get into.  We all know what that’s like don’t we?  Being denied entry because of our specialness?  But that’s another post for another time.  Back to the quiet cave they now find themselves in.   No one could hear the screams, the meltdowns, the deesculating.  No one was there to disturb or offer their judgments or opinions.  In fact the cave afforded them what we find our children often need most…animal therapy.  Mary and Joseph were surrounded by animals.  

Did you know the wise men never came to the place of Jesus’ birth?  Our nativity scenes always show them there, but history tells us that Jesus would have been about two years old before the wise men made it to him.  Jesus was long gone and out of the cave by then.  I chuckle to myself as I think of the wise men representing all those well meaning individuals that think they can parent our neurodivergent child better than we can.  Let’s call the wise men - in-laws, teachers, therapists, doctors, neighbors, family, you fill in the blank, but they won’t find you for awhile so you are all good in the cave.

Are we still tracking?  We’ve got Mary and Joseph who left town that first Christmas, not welcomed into a public institution, but found solace and peace anyway among the animals.

Okay, now the fun part!  Well, fun for us, not for Mary.

After going through the pains and strains of child birth and Joseph awaiting his adopted child to be born we finally have Jesus.  I know our story says he was laid in a manger and it’s implied that was because there was nowhere else to lay him in the cave barn they were in.  But let’s be real, has your child ever slept in a crib?  Stayed in their bed?  Slept through the night?  Yep!  The manger isn’t such a bad idea is it?  Good thinking Mary!  Whatever and wherever works is the right spot.

And then we are told shepherds were greeted by angels and told to go visit baby Jesus.  Shepherds were the caretakers, the helpers, the defenders, but also unpopular and not readily accepted by society.  I find this fascinating as I have often been touched, sometimes moved to tears by the acceptance offered by others who find themselves in the same situation.  The ones who understand, the ones who know what it’s like to have come out of a traumatic situation.  I find more often than not, they are the ones who show up.

I don't know where you find yourselves this holiday season.  Maybe it’s best for you to remove yourselves from the chaos.  Maybe it’s best for you to gloss over the holiday.  Maybe it’s best for you to lay low.  Maybe it’s best for you to add in extra supports.  Maybe it’s best for you to find a community that understands your situation.

Whatever that looks like for you, I hope you choose you and your child this holiday season.  Everyone else can wait.  Take a note from Mary and Joseph and spend time with the one who really matters most, your kid.

You’re a gift!